There are no cute pictures to put into this post

by Megan on May 13, 2011

in Theology for Ordinary Life, Transitions

Otherwise entitled: Why I had to bolt from Bible Study this morning so I could sob my eyes out in the church bathroom.

Three weeks. We're leaving life as we know it in just three short weeks.

This is not a surprise. I've known for a few months this day is coming, but we've been square in the midst of life as we know it. Packing has been a necessity, but processing has not been. I've been packing in between math and piano and choir and softball and laundry and all of that but I have not been processing any of this.

We are officially to the point in May where things are dropping off. Classical Conversations is over, ballet is over, choir will be over after tomorrow. As the schedule pressure lifts, I find I have a little more space in my capacity to think about the emotional side of leaving.

I need to do this. I want to do this. But I hate having to do this.

Also, this: I don't think I show stress that much, but when I do it is ALWAYS with tears and ALWAYS in public. But also this: I didn't want to go back into the room this morning with my Rudolph impersonation fully intact. My tendency is to flee. I don't want to be asked questions about why my eyes are the size of marshmallows. But I do want the people in my life to know this is not easy. I want them to know I'm feeling it. I want them to know that though I've been emotionally sterile for the past month, it's finally bubbling to the surface.

So I went back in. I listened to the lesson. I sat in the small group. I know what I looked like. Everyone had the grace to not mention my puffy face. I appreciated that.

Three weeks. We are moving from St. Louis to Oklahoma City in just three weeks. It's going to be short and long and draining in just about every way I can imagine.

And that's why there are no cute pictures to put into this post.