There are no cute pictures to put into this post

by Megan on May 13, 2011

in Theology for Ordinary Life, Transitions

Otherwise entitled: Why I had to bolt from Bible Study this morning so I could sob my eyes out in the church bathroom.

Three weeks. We're leaving life as we know it in just three short weeks.

This is not a surprise. I've known for a few months this day is coming, but we've been square in the midst of life as we know it. Packing has been a necessity, but processing has not been. I've been packing in between math and piano and choir and softball and laundry and all of that but I have not been processing any of this.

We are officially to the point in May where things are dropping off. Classical Conversations is over, ballet is over, choir will be over after tomorrow. As the schedule pressure lifts, I find I have a little more space in my capacity to think about the emotional side of leaving.

I need to do this. I want to do this. But I hate having to do this.

Also, this: I don't think I show stress that much, but when I do it is ALWAYS with tears and ALWAYS in public. But also this: I didn't want to go back into the room this morning with my Rudolph impersonation fully intact. My tendency is to flee. I don't want to be asked questions about why my eyes are the size of marshmallows. But I do want the people in my life to know this is not easy. I want them to know I'm feeling it. I want them to know that though I've been emotionally sterile for the past month, it's finally bubbling to the surface.

So I went back in. I listened to the lesson. I sat in the small group. I know what I looked like. Everyone had the grace to not mention my puffy face. I appreciated that.

Three weeks. We are moving from St. Louis to Oklahoma City in just three weeks. It's going to be short and long and draining in just about every way I can imagine.

And that's why there are no cute pictures to put into this post.

Kathy J May 13, 2011 at 10:48 pm

Oh Megan. I wish I could huge you. My sister-in-law and I just has the ‘moving’ conversation; about how sorrowful it can be. Each season has things to ‘mourn.’ Praying friend. {And let it out girl, puffy eyes and all. :o )}Good things ahead.

Megan May 13, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Thanks, Kathy. When we moved here from Colorado 6 years ago I didn’t do a good job of processing the hard stuff on the front end and really regretted it later. I don’t want to make that mistake this time…

martha brady May 14, 2011 at 1:35 am

megan, i can identify w your “sterile emotionally” feelings. I moved too much in my life and saying good-bye to old, dear friends is difficult at best! it’s a lot like uprooting a very old tree! it affects everything and leaves a big empty hole! you have our prayers and support:) met some of the neat people you will be getting to know in your new area last w/e:)
enjoy your good-byes and the time with your st. louis friends…and don’t lose out on your rest!

Monica May 14, 2011 at 5:47 am

Thinking of you today!

sandykdolan@gmail.com May 14, 2011 at 8:36 am

Megan,
Thank you for your honesty–it’s not easy to cry in public, nor is it easy to admit you’re hurting. What you and your family are doing is hard, so it’s important that you let your girls see that it’s a struggle for you, too. I am sure they will come to appreciate the open and honest approach this truly is (though maybe not right now :)
I, for one, am looking forward to your new life in OKC (being one of the recipients of that new chapter)! I’m praying for you all–courage, patience, and much love.
grace and peace, sandy dolan

Tammy May 14, 2011 at 9:36 am

I hear you! We were glad to be leaving the area for this last move but not all the people. Going from PA to WA meant plenty to keep me distracted. The last week it really hit me. We lived outside OKC for 7+ years and loved it. Still have a best friend there @luvStayingHome if you need advice/connections

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