I’ve been doing some legal work for my parents this week that requires I check my emotions at the door in order to engage with what I need to do here. This has happened more than I like to admit over the past 15 months and I’ve found that when I check my emotions at the door for one thing I check them at the door for everything. And then I can’t feel anything at all. I don’t like not feeling anything at all, but sometimes it beats feeling everything all at once.

Because once I start feeling I can’t stop and it’s ugly. It usually gets triggered by something unexpected. Yesterday it was triggered by this song by Owl City, so I thought I’d post this today and sign off.

Silhouette by Owl City

I’m tired of waking up in tears
Cause I can’t put to bed these phobias and fears
I’m new to this grief, I can’t explain
But I’m no stranger to, the heartache and the pain
The fire I began is burning me alive
But I know better than to leave and let it die
I’m a silhouette, asking every now and then
Is it over yet? Will I ever feel again?
I’m a silhouette, chasing rainbows on my own
But the more I try to move on, the more I feel alone
So I watch the summer stars to lead me home
I’m sick of the past I can’t erase
A jumble of footprints, and hasty steps I can’t retrace
The mountain of things I still regret
Is a vile reminder that I would rather just forget (No matter where I go)
The fire I began is burning me alive
But I know better than to leave and let it die
I’m a silhouette, asking every now and then (Now and then)
Is it over yet? Will I ever smile again?
I’m a silhouette, chasing rainbows on my own
But the more I try to move on, the more I feel alone
So I watch the summer stars to lead me home
Cause I walk alone (No matter where I go)
Cause I walk alone (No matter where I go)
Cause I walk alone (No matter where I go)
I’m a silhouette, asking every now and then (Now and then)
Is it over yet? Will I ever love again? (Love again)
I’m a silhouette, chasing rainbows on my own
But the more I try to move on, the more I feel alone
So I watch the summer stars to lead me home
I watch the summer stars to lead me home